We all know that self-discipline is necessary to achieve goals, to become successful and to see ourselves as responsible. Each one of us falls somewhere on the continuum between having very little of it and perhaps being too disciplined and thus rigid. In the middle seems to be the healthiest place to be, with having […]
When we begin thinking we need different, naturally our brain begins to create a checklist of what needs to go, and what we need to add to our life. My work with clients has been all about that: learning what behaviors need to go, what healing work must be done before we can move forward, […]
“Why do you always do that?” he asks his partner. “Why do I always do WHAT?” Why don’t you pay attention to how YOU drive, huh?” Sigh….as draining and anxiety-inducing this kind of conversation can be, it is far too common unfortunately. As we focus on healthy negotiating this month on the podcast, I had […]
I think society assumes we already know how to negotiate, and are good at it, yet many clients I work with secretly struggle to even know how to do it in a healthy way. My thought is because perhaps they need to do some boundary work first. Boundaries help us remember where we end and […]
So often, we get into arguments with those we care about, and we don’t even know why we are arguing after a while. This usually happens when we are not doing great job of negotiating what we want and need. It usually also points to our struggle to honor the same for them. In order […]
Relationships in our lives range from those very close to us, to coworkers, neighbors and friends. No matter the relationship, healthy boundaries are a must if we want to have solid connections and emotional safety. But where do we begin? Focus on What is Yours, not Theirs. It’s so easy to initially focus out there […]
Since the time we were born, we have craved connection. Originally we need to literally survive, because if we are not connected to the mother we may not be fed or cared for. That bond is what also affects the HGH or human growth hormone, so we also need the loving attention to grow and […]
It’s hard enough right now not to be anxious about things. The Pandemic. The economy. Politics. Social Issues. Loss. Worry about the future. One of the ways to not pile on right now is to work hard at not focusing outside of ourselves any more than we need to. Specifically, in our close relationships, where […]
With all the talk about giving and receiving empathy and understanding on the podcast this week, it got me thinking about healthy connections in general, because without the safety of a healthy relationship, empathy can’t happen. At least not genuinely and without an agenda – but that’s a blog for another day. I think the […]
Oh, the things we do under the guise of what I call “anxious caring”, because fear is driving us to want to control the outcome. We can get it all mixed up with having “goals” that we must work hard to achieve, so isn’t this what we are to do? Aren’t we supposed to nag […]
